I'm a part-time worker in my 40s with two children, one in high school and the other in university. I'm in shock because my husband, who lives away from us because of his job, frequently goes to places offering sex-related services.

Recently, I discovered the membership card of a dating service club in his bag. I also found a suspicious number on his mobile phone. I checked the number, only to find it belonged to the club and he uses it every month. Before this, I found a discount ticket in his bag for a similar place in a city he visited on a business trip.

I've thought continuously about divorcing him because I never imagined he was that kind of man. But I knew it would be difficult for me to send my child to university on my part-time income, so I decided to grin and bear it.

Now, with my second child about to enter university, I'm again thinking of divorcing him. But I'm not sure whether I can make my husband pay compensation and the college fees until my child graduates from university.

Do you think my husband's regular use of sex-related services and his membership in a dating club are sufficient grounds to get a divorce? Does everyone tolerate this kind of thing? Am I only a narrow-minded person? I have no one to discuss this with and have been agonizing over it for a long time.

S, Yamanashi Prefecture

Dear Ms. S:

Some men enjoy sex as a diversion without the need for love. Since olden times, Japanese society has been generous to this kind of diversion, and it's true the sex business is well developed in this country to cater to men's desires. I guess your husband enjoys such services "secretly" in the hope that it won't wreck his family life.

I don't think it's too late for you to try to stop him from using sex-related services by telling him that you can't forgive such behavior and he must choose between his family and sex-related services. I entirely understand your feelings about divorcing a man who visits such places. This is not about you being narrow-minded. It's more about the differences in values between you and your husband.

Your husband probably doesn't want to cut ties with his children, so you can talk to him about college tuition. But I still can't tell you if he'll quickly respond to the idea of getting a divorce or if you can claim compensation. I know you really want to make a new start in life, but it's in your best interest to take your time in making preparations for a divorce.

Masahiro Yamada, professor

(from Feb. 10 issue)

(Feb. 17, 2012)